8 REASONS I DON’T LIKE KITTENS

DON’T BE STORYIN’

My Grandma used to tell me, “Don’t be storyin’,” and this may apply here. But, I’m not storyin’ you. It’s not that I hate cats or that I hate kittens, far from it. Those who know me recognize that I have an affinity for the finest of felines, so they may think I’m storyin’. But I’m not.

I think my fondness for the fuzzy felines began in my early days when I saw Tweety and Sylvester and their antics. I liked Tweety Bird ’cause he dressed in the finest of colors: yellow. And, Sylvester was always conniving to eat Tweety. Now, I would never try to eat Tweety Bird, but I confess that I do have a fondness for fried chicken.

So, why don’t I like kitties? Well, read on.

  1. FUZZY FELINES

Like the fairest of fuzzy felines, I’m a little bit fuzzy myself. So, I love love love to have warm fuzzy kittens around so that I can pet them. Even though their fur tends to take my breath away, I still “purrsist” in making their fuzzy fur fly in fabulous formations. But I don’t like them.

2. FIERCE INDEPENDENCE

The kitties seem to begin their existence by being fiercely dependent on their mother but, as they grow, they quickly develop independent streaks. I love their ability to create problems for every solution and spark friendly feline fights over the simplest of things, like red dots. However, I still don’t like them.

3. THE NAPS

It’s really more of a jealousy thing, but I love how the kitties spend their long days in the midst of long feline dreams. While I don’t enjoy the opportunities like I used to, I really like to nap about ten hours per day, followed by about eight hours of restful sleep. However, I still don’t like the puddy tats.

4. THE PURR

I love how the kitties like to purr when you start to pet and fuzz them. They soon develop the habit of flipping their tails and pretending that they don’t want to be near you, but they eventually sidle up to you with their motors running because they want you to pet them endlessly, until they want you to stop, which is almost right away. The petting requires specific planning and must be tailored and customized for each cat, which makes it very challenging. But I still don’t like them.

5. THE DIET

I love how kitties like to eat the chicken, fish, pork, and beef. I gotta admit that I’m envious of their carnivorous lifestyle. You won’t ever see me out hunting birds, but I certainly enjoy da’ meats. But, I still don’t like ’em.

6. THE SNUGGLES

I love how the kitties all fight and play all day and pretend to be mortal enemies. But, when it turns cold out, they huddle, snuggle, and groom each other. I still don’t like kitties, but I am a little envious.

7. THE TAILS

You can observe a lot by observing a kitten’s tail, and you can earn their wrath by attempting to pet it. Their tails are the window to their souls and indicate how they are feeling and wish to be treated. But, I still don’t like ’em.

8. THE CATTITUDE

I love how they strut their stuff all over the place as though they have no fear in the world. But a simple loud noise sends them scurrying up a tree. I don’t have their strut but I scare pretty easily. But, I still don’t like em’.

I LOVE ’EM

That’s right. I don’t like kitties:I love ’em. I’ll deny to my dying day that I’m obsessed with them, but I won’t turn the kitties away. I try to do what I can to make their stay on this earth pleasant as they do for each of my passing moments. So, I’ve given you eight reasons why I don’t like kitties, and that’s because I love ’em.

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